Can i hate myself?

It's complicated.
I was facing the world with a smiling face.
Am i a clown?
Am i just pretend that i'm happy?
Am i really happy?
How can anyone be smiling when deep inside is hurting?

I don understand myself.
I wanted the best for everyone. But i think i had excluded myself.
When can i put myself in again?
I had a lots of question waiting for someone to answer.

I wanted my best to show to the world but everytime it is so hard to face the facts.
What can i actually do?
Can i hate myself?